apr 24 2024

As a student in HUMSS, I was kinda expecting an assignment like this to come waaay sooner.

yay!

If you can't read it/Blogspot quality made the photo really bad, it's an assignment to keep a journal -- to make two journal entries a week, to be wholly and properly precise. I'm throwing more words than usual because it makes me look more intelligent too. Since I'm a try-hard, I'm gonna write an entry every day.

Today's classes were suspended due to the SWELTERING HEAT. My day was fairly uneventful, so I guess I'll talk about something that happened to me two days ago. Here's a warning: since this is actually being graded and submitted to my teacher (Hi Miss W...), I'm writing with actual proper grammar.

Last Monday, I was having class after lunch. I was already pretty drowsy because of the heat.

I had my iPad out to take notes, seriously ready to learn since the last time I had this class, we were learning something pretty hard. Our teacher was talking about our requirements for the final semester and my friend, who was sitting next to me, whispered something at me that I didn't hear. 

Because I didn't hear, she pinched my cheek to get my attention. That apparently constituted a serious offense since the teacher threw down his marker on her table, asked her to start teaching, and started ranting about disrespect. 

I mean, if he ever reads this, I know, I know, maybe he had his reasons. Maybe whispering a question to your seat mate really was something bad. Or pinching their cheek, for that matter. 

If you hadn't noticed already, I felt really wronged. 

It didn't help that I was already walking on eggshells around this teacher. Maybe he didn't notice it, maybe it was all subconscious, but I already had my suspicions that he wasn't particularly fond of me. It CRUSHED me since he was a teacher I really admired and everyone thought he was really cool, so what did I do so wrong that he seemed to single me out as someone...bad? 

It's not like I had horrible grades in his subject. Quite the contrary, actually, since I honestly really tried. Maybe it wasn't my best, but still -- I know my grades are well above average. 

The only thing I can really think of is because of my lates and absences. Everyone has those, though, so I'm not sure where the animosity is coming from -- maybe I'm just hallucinating it, or maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but there have been incidents where I felt like my oversensitivity was validated.

1. In his class, we have index cards where we put our points for recitation. They then can be applied to different grades we have in his class to pull them up. He has recitation sessions pretty frequently, so you can earn points easily. Or they should have been, since I only had two entries for the entire quarter.
   
   It wasn't for a lack of trying. Even if I had my hand up, he didn't call on me. Sometimes he would even call people twice and my hand would still be in the air. I eventually just gave up.
   
   Having two entries -- one of them came from a written work, and the other came from a question I answered since no one else raised their hands -- was really pathetic to me, since everyone else I asked had at least five or more. 
   
   
2. I was absent for a test since I was sick and had to take a Form B for it the next week. I heard from our classmates who took the original exam that he let them take an "intervention seatwork" to pull up their grades. After taking the exam, my friend and I asked him if he would let us take it too. He assured us that he would. 
   
   We asked about it again during grade consults, and he said he wouldn't since it was our faults that we weren't there to take the original exam.
   
   I had a doctor's note. I let it go because maybe he was right. Maybe it was my fault. Still, it left a really bad taste in my mouth. 
   
   
3. This is petty but during career day, where everyone dressed up as who they wanted to be when they grew up, he asked everyone during attendance what profession they were dressed up as. Everyone except me. 
   
   It's a bit pathetic, but I was crushed.

Back to the original situation, I already thought he had something against me so I was disappointed but not surprised. Not even just disappointed, I was full-on bawling under my face mask. I tried to hold it together as he was talking about how not listening would make us fail the exam we had next week. I really tried when he decided to make the deadlines earlier because of our disrespect. It was humiliating. My classmates were going to hate me. I just knew it. 

I couldn't take it. I wiped my tears for the rest of the class, but they just kept coming. 

After his class, I asked if we could talk outside. I asked him if I'd done anything bad to him. He told me yes, that the disrespect we'd dealt him was that something bad.

I was already crying before I asked the question but my tears intensified as I tried to justify our actions. I was full-on sobbing. I asked him if I'd done anything before that but he said this was the first time he was calling me out. I told him about the index card and the Form B, and asked if I'd done anything to upset him, because that was the only way I could justifiably explain his "behavior" towards me. 

He said he'd never noticed that before and said sorry to me. He also said he would make up for all the times I felt wronged, but he still wasn't going to apologize for disciplining us.

I was still crushed that he didn't believe my explanation, though. I still cried throughout the entire next period. I still felt humiliated that my classmates all probably hated me for making the deadlines earlier. 

When I got home, I cried a little more and then promptly fell asleep. When I woke up, he'd texted me privately with a sorry, and he informed me that he would change the deadlines again. But he still kindly clarified that he wouldn't apologize for disciplining us since there are consequences for the wrong things we do.

Oh, well. I've cried enough. Maybe he's right. Sorry for the word vomit and all the ranting. It feels good to get it out of my system though, and this is my blog so I can do whatever I want.

Anyway, here's tonight's Wordle *spoilers*:

the bot is so mean :|

I got it in 4. Connections was super easy today though!